America: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Posted June 29th, 2008 by Jen in family life, holidays, humor, politics/world news, the ranch
18 Comments »

This next weekend ushers in the birthday of the United States of America! Here are a few word pictures from this past week from me, in small town America, 232 years and still going. I’ve included the good, the bad, and the ugly, but as you’ll see, in America, we take the good with the bad and roll with it, and even the ugly - well, it’s a free country and we can call ugly if we want.

Yesterday morning, at a local parade, celebrating that old west pastime called Rodeo, I was thrilled to see my friends’ Clydesdales in all their hugeness. This was GOOD.

And where else but Prineville could I find the Amazing Trash Can Marching Band? They dispose of garbage in step and in style. These guys were GOOD!

On to the BAD…look at the interesting mound I discovered on our property a few days ago.

Kids, do NOT jump in the pretty pile, because…take a closer look:

Ooowwww. These are some aggressive ants, and I’ve been scrambling to find out what they are. Most notably, they have a red head and body and a shiny black behind. At first glance, they look and act just like the Allegheny Mound Ants. Build enormous piles. Have red head/thorax and black abdomen. But those mostly live in the upper Midwest to the New England states and south to Georgia.

So, another possibility is the Red Imported Fire Ant (RIFA). They also build mounds. Also have red forebody and black abdomen. But they live mostly in the southeast, however a few California counties have been infested, and there’s been suspected infestations in Oregon. I’m supposed to immediately contact the Oregon Department of Agriculture if I think I have these RIFAs, because they are considered an invasive species, and a serious health risk to pets and children, not to mention the damage that can be done to crops and other native plant life.

A final suspect, perhaps the most likely, is the harvester ant. This is a common desert ant, which fits my habitat. Another aggressive mound-building ant. Someone wrote a whole thesis on the harvester ant and how it’s helpful in locating small artifacts in archaeological surveys. I think I’ll start digging for Paiute relics in this very spot.

The only issue I’m trying to resolve with the harvester ants is whether it’s likely for them to have a red head/thorax and a black rear. This is the only photograph from the Oregon high desert (or anywhere) I can find that fits what I see here on my property; the rest are all red or all black. Anyone?

I can’t live with these creatures. It’s summertime and they are seriously swarming. They inflict especially painful stings and bites. Enter the brave husband. With the poison. We are not poison-happy people, but there are limits to my consciousness.

Don’t worry, my pretties, there’s enough here for everyone. Take this to your egg laying machine MOMMY!! But here’s a small problem. I went back to the mound yesterday, expecting it to be very quiet. But no. More activity and seemingly more ants than ever. I re-poisoned the area, and I’ll check again later.

Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer or ruler, she prepares her food in summer and gathers her sustenance in harvest. How long will you lie there, O sluggard? Proverbs.

Enough of the BAD! But, remember, this is the United States, and I actually own this land of the mother-of-all-anthills (and have many ant poison options), God bless America!

Would you like to see the UGLY from small town America?

America is soooo great, that even our “ugly” isn’t that bad. Okay, that is not true, there are truly horrific things going on in America, just as there are around the world. We all need Jesus! But, with our great nation’s birthday upon us, I’d rather find a bit of humor, a bit of appreciation for our free country.

Isn’t it great that a local fruit stand can sell delicious, sweet oranges, ugly and all? Great value, free from government imposed pricing, grown on fruitful land in a country where one can actually be a land-owner, we are so fortunate. If you really want ugly, you can read this supposed celebrate-America-Fourth-of-July-but-really-just-leftist-propaganda editorial, for which this newspaper should be ashamed.

How about these berries? I feel some baking coming on. One aisle over from the ugly oranges, and as beautiful as they come.

In closing, I hope you enjoy this lovely song, one of my very favorites, from that incredible musician, Rich Mullins. Here in America.

Some of my favorite lyrics from this song:

“…Once I went to Appalachia, for my father he was born there, and I saw the mountains waking with the innocence of children…and the Holy King of Israel loves me here, in America!”

Do you have anything (good, bad, or ugly) to share from your slice of America?

God Bless the U.S.A.

Technorati Tags: fruit stand, ants, July 4th Parade, Crooked River Roundup, Fourth of July, Clydesdales, Rich Mullins, Here in America

It’s all in the glasses.

Posted June 24th, 2008 by Jen in family life, humor, parenting
13 Comments »

“Your students would really like you, Mom.” My almost 9-year-old son was speaking in a serious voice, knowingly pointing to his head. I was a classroom teacher before I had all these kids, and I was talking to my young ones about teaching.

I smiled, completely warmed by his sweetness. “You know,” he continued, “they would think you are really intelligent.” More warming, and even little pitter-patters in my heart. What a kind-hearted, encouraging boy, he thinks Mom is smart!

“You really think so?” I say, hoping for more of these lovely compliments. Having been his teacher for the past few years, it’s good to know that he values my brilliance, my astute nature, my…

“Of course, Mom!” he states matter-of-factly. “It’s the glasses. They make you really smart.”

Oh. The glasses. That’s what he so knowingly pointed to, not my clever brain at all. Ahem. Adjusting my glasses here. So, would you like to know where I purchased my super-powered glasses? Because I’m sure you all want a pair now.

Tags: children, humor, motherhood, parenting, teaching

The Squeaky Wheel…gets locked in the bathroom.

Posted June 17th, 2008 by Jen in family life, humor
7 Comments »

I do need grease, however. I was kept up half the night by the continuous, high pitched, squeak of a wheel. A little mouse, running on his little wheel, squeaking his little squeak, invading my sweet little dreams. Not a metaphor, my dear reader, this was reality.

Big L saved up his money and bought a small, gray mouse yesterday, along with some mouse accessories, including a running wheel. Cute as a button and not much bigger, but goodness, he does run and squeak. I had no idea that an eight-week-old mouse had such stamina. I’m mouse-sitting right now while the kids are at Vacation Bible School. His name is Nampff, named so because his master likes the letters ‘N’ and ‘F.’

Note to self: buy some DW-40 today, so I don’t have to lock the mouse cage in the bathroom again to block out the everlasting squeaking of the wheel. I just need to get a decent night’s sleep.

Note to pet store owners: don’t sell squeaky wheels.

Tags: children's pets, mouse, mouse wheel, vacation bible school

Why do you love the blogging?

Posted May 23rd, 2008 by Jen in blog stuff, humor
21 Comments »

Aloha, it’s Friday!! I’ve been so very busy, excuse me if I haven’t been out a’visitin’ in my usual way. Everything has collided this time of year, from our building project to spring projects and work duties and beyond. I think most of us are in the same boat!

But, I still HEART the blogging, do YOU?! This is my Aloha Friday Question. Could you share one reason why you enjoy blogs?

Here’s a few reasons from this week why I think blogs are great:

Number 1:

The lovely, talented, kind, and generous Heather at An Untraditional Home painted this watercolor portrait of my children, which I was able to give my husband for his birthday on Monday of this week. Heather does commissioned work, and even though she lives in Pennsylvania and I live in Oregon, this was no problemo! I emailed her this photo:

And voila! My husband was incredibly pleased, and my 6 year old daughter was absolutely amazed: Mommy, how did you find a painting of children that look just like us?!

Heather’s art site is Elasah.com, and she just started offering art lessons online for your children (and you!). We’ll be giving this a try, so keep an eye out for really disproportionate drawings of the human body being posted here.

Number 2:

Reason No. 2 that I love the blogs is this delightful springtime package of goodies I received in the mail yesterday from that charming Tennessee gal Sarah at Small World. (In the interest of full disclosure, that chocolate box is already empty.) You know those fun contests that bloggers occasionally run? Well, I actually won something -Thanks, SmallWorld!

Why do you love blogging?

p.s. Here are some of the themes I’m seeing in your responses: community, encouragement, education, a forum for self-expression and self-exploration, entertainment, a place of connection with family…good stuff, good stuff.

Technorati Tags: aloha friday

Imaginary friend, anyone?

Posted May 16th, 2008 by Jen in family life, humor
15 Comments »

When we’re done checking out our books at the library, JoJo loves to read with “statue girl” who appears to be permanently attached to this child-sized bench in the foyer. I might catch a snatch of conversation, and JoJo sits real close and just enjoys the company of her bronzed friend.

My Aloha Friday question for this lovely May day is this:

Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? (If you have one now, I’d rather not hear about it!)

I faintly remember having imaginary conversations with little friends, but the friends were usually people I actually knew. Then again, I think I had some imaginary friendships with characters I loved from my favorite books. I distinctly remember my dear stuffed animals, who I set around my bed every night as I told them to be on watch while I slept. Have you seen the Jimmy Stewart movie Harvey (1950)? He plays Elwood P. Dowd, a lovable guy with an imaginary pal who happens to be a six-foot-three rabbit. Can you top that?

Technorati Tags: aloha friday, imaginary friend, childhood memories, children

Even My Dog Has a Blankie!

Posted May 2nd, 2008 by Jen in carnivals, family life, humor
20 Comments »

My Aloha Friday Question is this:

Did you have a childhood attachment, like a “security” blanket, a pacifier, a bottle, or a special bear you couldn’t part with?

From the loveable Linus eternally dragging his blanket to that maddening Maggie Simpson sucking on her pacifier with every breath, a child’s need for a comfort item seems to be universal. What sort of character were you? If you can’t remember or think you had no special comfort thing, what about your own children?

Me, I had a bottle. I actually have no memory of being attached to my bottle; I only know from old photographs showing in stark black and white my chubby little hands clutching what must have been my soothing object. Plus, my big sister says so.

Technorati Tags: aloha friday, baby bottle, blankie, childhood attachment, family life, Linus, pacifier, dog

The Intelligent Lizard

Posted April 28th, 2008 by Jen in humor, religion, science
12 Comments »

Hmmm, I say, what is this slick, button-y surface and colorful pixeled screen?

Oh, I see, if I grip the keys just so, and push….

Now, that was pretty simple, and it only took me about 4 billion years to figure out. Or not.

p.s., the lady of the house was really freaked out to see her little girl’s pet lizard taking over her laptop computer. My sincere apologies and lizardly regrets for causing such a commotion. Well, being so evolved and all, I enjoy the cinema as well as computers, so I’m off to the movies.

Technorati Tags: lizards, Creation Science, Intelligent Design, animal humor, Expelled the Movie, Ben Stein’s Expelled

The Diary of 1 search for a new BBF (Best Bloggy Friend)!

Posted April 25th, 2008 by Jen in blog stuff, humor
11 Comments »

Warning, gentle reader: This is a spoof. I am not as shallow as Paris Hilton. This is merely poking fun at a ridiculous publicity stunt by a disturbed celebrity.

Welcome to the Diary of 1 search for a new BBF (Best Bloggy Friend)!! This is a reality bloggity show where only the best will win. As Paris says,

I just want to see the contestants and see how they are. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, just as long as its someone I can trust, someone I can have fun with and just someone who’s going to be able to like handle all the other things that are going to come with being my best friend.

Wow, the word “just” three times in a mere two sentences. And the word “like” when it has nothing to do with being partial to something. Can I JUST say that one requirement for my BBF is a decent grasp of grammar. Go grab a Strunk & White if you need some help.

So, what else do I look for in a new best bloggy friend? Well, I’d have to agree with Paris, that since my blog is SOOOOOoooooo popular, I have to be careful. I can’t trust whether someone wants to be my blog friend or simply wants to get in on all my links and comments, so I turn to Paris for advice once again:

So when I meet new people, I’m always a little wary of the reason they may want to become my friend. I can usually just tell by when we’re out in public and there’s paparazzi around, I see, you know, who gets a little bit too excited or whatever.

And of course, Paris never gets too excited about the paparazzi. So watch your excitement level, please.

The next requirement for my BBF is that you divulge all your deepest secrets to me. Never mind that I’ve never met you in real life and probably never will, but I expect you to tell me your real name, the exact location of where you live, your personal email address and phone number, your user name and password so I can access your admin section and blog stats, the opportunity to guest blog on your own site, AND I want you to reveal every tip you know about increasing blog traffic. Once again, straight from the horse’s mouth, I find the elusive best friend advice:

Just people who are fun, people who I know are going to be great on TV, people who have fun personalities, they’re not shy, the people who tell their deepest secrets, people who are open to being honest and having a great time. That’s what my show’s about.

Oh, and knowing how Paris loves other beautiful people, I would also like my BBF to have the slickest looking blog format around. No overused templates, please. My BBF will have a high-end custom job with all the latest widgets and a stellar Technorati authority.

Now, on with the show!! I’ll be on the lookout for blog comments on every single post, personal emails, high participation in all my contests, lots of blog awards, gobs of links, thousands of clicks on my google ads, subscriptions to my RSS feed — just think, YOU could be the next Diary of 1 BBF!! Just being my best bloggy friend will make you instantly famous.

And of course, I would never assume that you’re a fortune hunter. I’m sure all the 6 million page views and the thousands of freaks folks who have posted profiles and videos at Paris’ new BFF site are from normal people just looking for a good friend, who care nothing about fame, because all of Paris’ other friends are just normal people.

You can post your BBF profile on your own blog, or in my comments below, and tell me why I should choose YOU. Let the auditions begin.

Tags: best blog friend, best friend contest, BFF, humor, Paris Hilton, spoof