To Give a Gerbil a Bath

Posted May 20th, 2011 by Jen in family life, humor, the ranch
2 Comments »

I didn’t know a wet gerbil would cause me to laugh hysterically. He looks so…cold. Or is he just shivering because he can’t remember his letters?

Who does such a thing, bathing gerbils like babies? Was this really out of concern for gerbil hygiene, or a chance to play parent, or just something fun to pass the time? I do like to think the best, I’ll go for hygiene.

In this boy’s defense, he was simply aiding his big sister, owner of the gerbil pair. It does take two or three extra hands to give a gerbil a proper bath, what with all the squeaking and squirming attempts at freedom. But of course, what little boy can resist a flurry of animal activity?

I was actually shocked at how dirty the water was. Truth be told, this was the rodents’ first bath, so we witnessed about a year’s worth of dirt, oils, bedding, and WHO knows what being washed away.

And another truth be told, I’m pretty sure I saw a smile flit across the whiskers of Mika and Merlin. These gerbils have a good life here in our schoolroom, sitting quietly (save for the incessant turning and grating of the wheel) while the kids learn sounds and signs and names and places. If a bit of freedom meant also getting soaked to the skin, what’s that to a desert rat? Especially considering the last time they roamed free, one skinny tail got stepped on and lost. Yes, this bath was a good thing.

Technorati Tags: childhood, country life, gerbil raising

How to Draw a Self-Portrait (and some wisdom from the child)

Posted April 25th, 2011 by Jen in arts & crafts, education, family life, humor
10 Comments »

I think my boy here could give some art lessons on self-portraiture {and life}.

1. Know how many freckles adorn your face and love them all. {Or, love every unique mark the Lord has blessed upon your countenance, and love that you are wonderfully made.}

2. Realize how far your ears really stick out. {Or, be aware of your faults, your weaknesses, your differences, and make them as darn cute as possible.}

3. Make your eyes brighter than they really are. {Or, know that the eyes are the gate to the soul, and work to let all the love of God pour out through them and smile through them, too, and so bless those who look upon you.}

4. Draw yourself happy. {Or, remember that a cheerful heart is good medicine, and the joy of the Lord is your strength, so do not grieve.}

Thank you, Little L. for the art lesson.

Technorati Tags: art, family life, self-portrait

Conversations with a little boy.

Posted February 22nd, 2011 by Jen in family life, humor, the ranch
2 Comments »

I love him, I love his ideas, and gosh, I wish I could just jump in there sometimes and see it in full color. This must be how it is with children; they slow down enough once in a while to share a piece of the rolling film, but it’s only a shadow of the lively non-stop, action-packed thriller that is the mind of a six-year-old boy.

Mom, are there really angels guarding the Garden of Eden? Are treasures buried there? Would I be able to see the angels if I found the garden? I hope so, and I hope they would tell me where the treasures are buried.

Mom, am I a Jew? Because Jews are God’s people, and I’m God’s people.

A few days ago, he sat on the floor playing with an airplane “slingshot” toy as Grandma sang an old song that I remember her singing to me as a child. Well, she doesn’t really sing it to anyone, just an unconscious singing. Sitting small in the cushioned chair with pillow tucked behind her gray and her songs, she stared into yesterday:

Off we go into the wild blue yonder, climbing high into the sun. Here they come zooming to meet our thunder, at ‘em boys, give ‘er the gun! Nothing can stop the Army Air Corps!

“I CAN!” shouted my little boy, aiming his airplane for a sure fire into the chair. And he was off, in the heat of battle, just him and Grandma’s song, conquering the skies.

**********
A few links for your week:
Christian Carnival
Carnival of Homeschooling

Technorati Tags: Garden of Eden, family life, Army Air Corps, Jewish roots

Keepin’ it Real in 2010

Posted December 29th, 2009 by Jen in family life, holidays, humor
7 Comments »

The New Year’s Resolutions are a’comin’, by the thousands, around the globe. Many lofty, admirable, and noteworthy goals will soon be flowing from pens near and far.

As for me, I’m keeping it real, attainable, and utterly basic, so as to actually realize a few goals. Gone are the “read 30 classic novels in one year,” “become fluent in French” and “learn to play Bach.”

Here’s my top ten New Year’s Resolutions for 2010, unsophisticated and no-frills:

1. Limit frozen pizza to just one dinner a week.

2. Change my sheets at least once a month, vacuum, ditto.

3. Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink…at least 5 out of 7 nights.

4. Never go to bed with my day clothes on; same for the kids – pajamas every night!

5. For goodness sake, always have toilet paper and milk stocked.

6. Stretch every morning with the goal of touching my toes (without bending my legs!) by mid-year.

7. Write at least one paper and pen and stamp letter each month to someone I love.

8. I will be a paper-attacker – no stacks of letters will accumulate on my kitchen counter.

9. I won’t waste time surfing the web, and especially won’t click on the latest scandalmongering from Hollywood.

10. Return every library book on time. And pay all the old fines.

How about you? What are your hopes for keeping it real in 2010?

Happy New Year!

Technorati Tags: New Year’s Resolutions, family life, 2010

Scene and Herd

Posted December 22nd, 2009 by Jen in family life, features, holidays, humor
4 Comments »

Concerns About the Creche

J: No, no, the angels are looking at nothing!

L: Well, let’s move the shepherd back here, he’s a lesser one anyway.

J: The Wise Man can’t be giving his gift to the cow, move him!

L: Oh, here’s the little lamb that broke last year. Oh well. It’s just one.

J: How cute, the camel is peering through the gate!

L: If only the angel could sit on top of the stable, there’d be more room and she’d be looking right down at Jesus. But she’d fall.

J: Everyone has to be looking at the baby Jesus!

(after many minutes of shuffling, conversing, and pondering the cramped quarters, the children reach an agreement)

L & J: It’s perfect!

Technorati Tags: Christmas, creche, manger scene

I organized my silverware drawer.

Posted May 3rd, 2009 by Jen in family life, humor
12 Comments »

Yes, this seemingly insignificant task has been a grand fait accompli for me. It really does deserve a blog post. The pantry was neatly arranged as well. People, it’s been two years of utensil chaos glaring up at me each time I pulled open the kitchen drawers. Tongs and blades entangled, threatening to wage war against my tender fingers, retribution for my failure to make a place and mark a separate territory for these unique instruments–now, here is fork, over there is knife, and yet another compartment for spoon.

I even called my husband to tell him the news. “Honey, I picked up a stainless steel silverware tray at Goodwill for two dollars, and some pantry shelves at the neighbor’s garage sale.” He shared in the joy, and if you’ve lived with disheveled drawers yourself, you’ll know the thrill. The whole kitchen makeover took all of an hour, but it felt like a million bucks. I never realized I had five can openers.

So, if you need a wave of inspiration in your day, you know what to do.

A funny thing happened on the way to the office…

Posted January 7th, 2009 by Jen in family life, humor
12 Comments »

I guess it was my turn to have a harried day. I was running late, and felt a tightening in my stomach and race in my heart when JoJo, who was supposed to be buckled in the van, appeared in the doorway to declare that “I hate to tell you, but there is a little problem.” 7:05 a.m. read the clock, taunting me that I should be halfway to my destination by now.

I advised the little one to get Daddy, as I was still scrambling to pack one more lunch and grab my coffee. And scoop the pan of hot oatmeal into bowls for the kids to eat in the van, clearly a decision of a raving mad mother. Imagine four children eating full bowls of hot oatmeal on a bumpy road with lots of curves.

Ah, the problem the little one spoke of. I found my husband outside in the morning frost, attempting his manly best in his bedroom slippers to reattach the van sliding door which had come unhinged. It appeared to be hanging by a thread, but with some skillful maneuvering, he worked some magic and jockeyed the door back into proper position. 7:10 a.m., I gulped back the anxiety of being late yet again, trying to give due thanks that I don’t have to drive ten miles with no door.

Back to the oatmeal. Three of the children are adept enough to handle their bowls, but LIttle L, at age four, just can’t manage. I placed his bowl as I did before on the dash (how humiliating to admit I’ve done this before) to eat once I drop him off with the babysitter. The three older ones gobbled down their breakfast, miraculously without so much as an oat overboard, and I made it within three blocks of Little L’s stopping place.

I rounded the corner and my eye was on my coffee, which I was also guarding in the cup-holder, as it was not a sturdy lidded mug (another unfortunate decision), but a lovely tall ceramic mug. So far so good. Some left over oomph from the turn caught up with the bowl, however, and I watched helplessly as it slid forward into the windshield, splashing milk and oats which dribbled down into the vents.

Drats, I say (really I said something worse) clenching my teeth, but I had to straighten wheel from my turn, and I must have inadvertently hit the gas, because now the bowl came flying back toward me. Before I could blink, the bowl hurtled over the dash like it was in the Indy 500 and crashed in about five pieces on the floor between the driver and passenger seats. Oats, milk, and Dansk Concerto Allegro Blue dinnerware were in a shocking muddle.

“Mommy!” cried Big L, who is extremely sentimental for a nine year old, “your wedding bowl!”

“Mommy!” cried Little L, who was extremely hungry, “my oatmeal!”

“My mug!” I cried, as I noticed that as the bowl went down it took out the handle of the charming ceramic mug. My dear friend had given me this mug just a few weeks earlier, and I loved the sweet saying on the side of it:

Cherish yesterday, live today, dream tomorrow.

Well, I got the mess sort of cleaned up as best I could, promised Little L that the babysitter would feed him, and assured Big L that I could always buy another bowl.

When I finally arrived at work (7:30 a.m. and missed my morning meeting), I saw my friend who had gifted me with the treasured mug. I told her the hapless tale of my morning, and she said, “Jennifer, this story should be written!” because she is a nostalgic, romantic type who sees the tenderness of it all and is wise enough to know that simple events like these, in all their comedy of errors, can become priceless family memories.

So, Julia, this is for you, and that handle-less mug sits on my kitchen windowsill tonight reminding me that I did, indeed, live today.

The Anniversary

Posted October 22nd, 2008 by Jen in family life, humor, parenting
16 Comments »

Two days after our wedding anniversary this year, my husband says to me, “Honey!! We forgot it! Again.” An even dozen deserves to be remembered. But we both are wise enough to know that the act of timely recalling a significant date is not nearly as important as what’s in our hearts on a daily basis.

Which is why he didn’t watch my face with apprehension as he broke the news, but burst into a sheepish, roll-your-eyes kind of laugh, knowing I would join him in making fun of ourselves — what! we’re not even 50! At least we remembered in the same month. For all the special people whose birthdays we forget, you can see that we are no respecter of persons (um, that doesn’t mean we don’t respect people…it’s a phrase that means we don’t discriminate!).

Again. My husband added that word to his announcement because, yes, indeed, we’ve done this before. Most memorably, it was our 7th anniversary. We were about to sell our first house. It was a small 1970s home with low popcorn ceilings and dreary, dark cabinets–at least that’s what it looked like before my husband went on a remodel craze. He completely updated the place, tackling everything from that horrible ceiling texture to the trim to the windows, and even added on another bedroom, bathroom, and family room.

At the very last minute, I, who had offered nothing to the entire project (except birthing babies and changing diapers, which, as all mothers know, is essential to any long-term home enterprise), decided that the 1970s brick fireplace MUST go. I recommended retiling it with slate. Fine, except we had the house on the market and a couple traveling from another state to look at the residence in two days.

Women can be impulsive like that. Especially nursing mothers whose hormones are still totally out of whack. Miraculously, my extremely fussy artistic (and surely sick of remodeling) husband agreed and even trusted me to pick out the slate myself at Home Depot. People, I can’t even hang my own pictures in the house! But it was clear that this last remaining vestige of the 1970s was an eyesore amongst the otherwise upgraded design.

This is how we found ourselves on that August night five years ago, him mixing mortar and laying stone, me cutting (yes, running a motorized, acutely sharp object in my hormonal state!) squares of slate as he marked them. We worked at a frantic pace, with me occasionally having to stop to nurse the baby and check on the toddlers. I pondered our sanity. Our buyers would arrive the next day.

Sometime about 4 a.m., as I joined him at the fireplace in laying slate over dated brick, desperately wondering if we’d make it, he looked at me with bleary eyes and mortar-smeared hands and face. With a bit of a startle he announced, “Honey, it’s our anniversary!” We were utterly exhausted and filthy dirty, but working side by side and enjoying our combined efforts–not a bad place to be. We laughed and wished each other a most sincere “Happy Anniversary.”

I’m just glad it was him that remembered first.

We’ve promised each other that next year we’ll remember. We have the best of intentions, but it’s safer for us to treat each day as a special one, cherishing every moment of our crazy life, not saving our best attention for one certain day.

Tags: anniversary, fireplace, marriage, relationships, remodel, wedding anniversary

Cat up a Tree

Posted October 18th, 2008 by Jen in blog stuff, carnivals, family life, humor, the ranch
5 Comments »

A few weeks ago, I found Tawny high up in a tree, meowing rather pleadingly. After spending an hour finding a ladder tall enough to reach the cat, coaxing him with soothing kitty calls and finally food, I rescued the feline. The cat could starve or freeze to death, trapped up here indefinitely, I had thought.

Later that evening, when my husband returned from errands with the kids and I related to them the cat story, my 9-year-old son laughed, “Mom, Tawny always climbs up there and gets back down by himself!” Oh.

*****

Recent blog carnivals:
Carnival of Education
Carnival of Family Life
Christian Carnival
Carnival of Homesteading

Up next: Carnival of Homesteading, here at Diary of 1, on Monday, Oct. 20. Submit HERE by Sunday, 9 p.m. EST.

Blog Perks

Posted August 1st, 2008 by Jen in blog stuff, family life, humor, product review
12 Comments »

Thank you, Becky at Twisted Fencepost, for the cheerful and comfy oven mitts! I won Becky’s giveaway of her handmade oven mitts. These mitts have this wonderful little stretch to them that gently squeeze my hands as if to say, “You’re an awesome cook!” Oh, also, Becky included a lovely matching kitchen towel, which was unavailable for the photo shoot, as it was recently completely soiled and in need of laundering.

I told Becky how badly I needed them, because I couldn’t find a single oven mitt in the house, and I was in danger of burning off my sweet fingers. I need my fingers. These arrived the day after my birthday – I love surprise birthday gifts! And the day after that, I found the one oven mitt I did own – in my 7 year old daughter’s underwear drawer.

I had to explain the craziness to Becky, who may have wondered about my daughter’s stability – why was she stashing away an oven mitt with her underclothes?! An unknown fact was revealed: my mother, with Alzheimer’s or some mysterious mind-confusing disease that can afflict almost-80-year-olds, lives with my family. She loves to help put laundry away. You may find my t-shirts in my son’s dresser, dirty clothes mistakenly folded neatly into drawers, or oven mitts filed away with underwear. We work with it.

Another blog perk came my way when Sheila at Meditations and Confessions of a Homemaker sent me this pack of handmade cards. Each card has an inspiring scripture, wise saying, or encouraging word for women. Sheila is truly gifted (in many ways), and you can find more of her cards for sale at her Etsy shop. She has a great big heart for hurting and broken people, she blogs for the persecuted church (don’t miss her post on China), and is simply refreshing.

Sheila has also given me a few blog awards recently, which I’ll pass on soon. They are the Arte y Pico (best art) Award, and the Brillante Weblog Award. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Coming up (or whenever I get around to it!) will be my awards reception in which I present these to some other excellent bloggers.

Have you enjoyed any blog perks lately?

Technorati Tags: Alzheimer’s, blog contest, blog awards, humor, oven mitts, persecuted church

Christian Carnival CCXXXIII: The Hilarious Edition

Posted July 16th, 2008 by Jen in blog stuff, carnivals, humor, religion
13 Comments »

We don’t have to look far for bad news these days. I thought we could all use a dose of humor and fun, so welcome to the 233rd Christian Carnival: the Hilarious Edition! This is not to downplay the seriousness of world issues or the personal crises we find ourselves in, but a “joy break” to perhaps recharge your soul.

Today’s blog posts will be salted with Christian humor, and I do pray you come away with a smile on your face. This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it!

A little boy was sitting in church next to his mother one evening. In the middle of a song, the mother thought her son was singing the song a little differently. She leaned over and heard him sing, “We bring the sacks of rice and beans.” The song was “We bring the Sacrifice of Praise.”

Keith Williams presents My NLT Odyssey: A Bible translation story posted at NLT Blog.

FMF presents Robert Kiyosaki on Tithing posted at Free Money Finance.

My daughter (now 19) was about 2 years old when we sat down at the dinner table to eat. When asked if she would like to say the blessing, she was excited to pray. With hands folded and heads bowed she began…God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food….. if he hollers, let him go…eeeenie……

Robert Minto presents Living In Heaven Today: A Meeting of Newman and Kline on the Subject of Holiness posted at The Veil Away.

Ali presents A sin with a lasting stain. posted at Kiwi and an Emu..

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

Tiffany Partin presents I Want It My Way posted at Fathom Deep: Sounding the Depths of God.

Raffi Shahinian presents Incoherent Ramblings That Might or Might Not Have Something to Say About Jesus and Affirmative Action…You Decide posted at parables of a prodigal world.

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a “show and tell” assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion. The first student got up in front of the class and said, “My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David.” The second student got up in front of the class and said, “My name is Mary. I’m a Catholic and this is a Rosary.” The third student got in up front of the class and said, “My name is Tommy. I am Methodist, and this is a casserole.”

simplyeddie presents Shadows of Christ~ The Death of Abel posted at Simple Life In Christ.

Erich Bridges presents The stars in their courses posted at CounterCulture.

The young couple invited their elderly preacher for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. “Goat,” the little boy replied. “Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?” “Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Dad say to Mom, ‘Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.’”

Steve Mounts presents A Vision of God’s Power posted at Steve Mounts.

Allen Scott presents Passports posted at A View from the Nest.

Arris Charles presents Anyone Can Balance On Their Head posted at Spirited Ink.

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?” A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence with……”I think I’d throw up!”

Richard H. Anderson presents Priestly Blessing posted at dokeo kago grapho soi kratistos Theophilos.

Michael presents Encouragement posted at Chasing the Wind.

My son James is four. Whenever he hurts himself we lay hands on the injury and pray for healing. The other day he cut his left finger, took hold of it and prayed: “Jesus come out of my heart, go down my arm and fix my finger. Please Jesus, Amen.” Another time he said grace before our meal. “Dear God, bless our food and don’t let my sister’s head fall off”. His sister was 6 months old at the time; I couldn’t help wondering what James had planned to do with his sister.

Diane R presents Postmodern Philosophy for the Rest of Us–Part 1 posted at Crossroads: Where Faith and Inquiry Meet.

Fr. Joshua Wagner presents Miracle Grow! (Homily for the 15th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year A) posted at Total Possibility.

A Sunday School teacher asked her class, “what was Jesus’ mother’s name?“ A Child answered, “Mary.” The teacher then asked, “and what was her husband’s name?“ Another child answered, “The Verge.” Confused, the teacher asked, “where did you get that?“ The child replied: “You know, they are always talking about “the Verge ‘n Mary.“

Mark Olson presents A Bone To Pick (with my brethren in Christ) posted at Pseudo-Polymath.

e-Mom presents Bible Study: Jesus’ Use of Q & A posted at C h r y s a l i s.

A little child was looking through his grandmother’s Bible and found a crushed flower that was quite wilted. As it fell from the Bible He called to his Mother, “Come quick Mom, I think I found Adam’s suit.”

Drew Tatusko presents Making Pro-Life Plausible posted at Notes From Off Center.

Angela Williams Duea presents Cleaning my spirit house posted at angelawd.

My children began reciting the Lord’s Prayer at 2 1/2 years old and I remember my daughter very seriously praying, “Our father, whose art’s in Heaven, Howard is His name…”

David Porter presents A Boomer in the Pew: “Children of the Living God” – Sinclair Ferguson (Chapter 1c) posted at A Boomer in the Pew.

Ken Brown presents Islam, Christianity and the Freedom to Insult posted at C. Orthodoxy.

Stephen Hawkins presents Did Christ establish two kinds of churches? posted at Waters to Swim In.

A little boy got a new tie for his birthday. Sunday morning, he wore the new tie to church. He was so proud of his tie. He made sure everyone noticed it. Once the congregation settled down, the preacher approached the pulpit in preparation for the offering. The preacher said, “Now is the time we give back to the Lord. Please give your tithes(ties) and offerings to Christ.” The little boy looked at his father and said, “Daddy, he wants my tie!”

William Meisheid presents Knowing God Study Guide Now Complete posted at Beyond The Rim….

Weekend Fisher presents “Miracles violate the law of nature”–or do they? posted at Heart, Mind, Soul, and Strength.

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”

Jeremy Pierce presents Novel Interpretations and Confidence posted at Parableman.

Elementaryhistoryteacher presents Reverend: False Elevation or Grammatical Error? posted at Got Bible?.

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!”

(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.” “Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an ax and two 38′s!”

John presents How to Be a God-Focused Encourager posted at Light Along the Journey.

Jot and Tittle presents Confessions of a techno geek… posted at Jot and Tittle.

Billy Graham tells of a time, during the early years of his preaching ministry, when he was due to lead a crusade meeting in a town in South Carolina, and he needed to mail a letter. He asked a little boy in the main street how he could get to the post office. After the boy had given him directions, Billy said, “If you come to the central Baptist church tonight, I’ll tell you how to get to heaven.” The boy replied, “No thanks, you don’t even know how to get to the post office!”

ChrisB presents The Bible and Capital Punishment posted at Homeward Bound.

Heath Countryman presents How Big Is Your Satan? posted at Esprit d’escalier.

Our little girl had just attended a baptismal service (by immersion). When she came home she ask her mother to fill the tub so she could baptize her dolls. Her mother listened carefully as she put them in the water…”I baptize you in the mane of the father, the son and in the hole you go!”

Rodney Olsen presents Pushing against the wind posted at RodneyOlsen.net.

Henry Michael Imler presents The Jobian Take on Righteousness posted at Theology for the Masses.

After the Christmas pageant, I asked my 6-year-old son if he remembered the gifts that the Magi brought to Jesus. He thought for a minute then said “gold, frankincense, and humor.” We could all use that!

Thank you for visiting this hilarious edition of the Christian Carnival! Next week it will be hosted by A True Believer’s Weblog. You may submit your blog post here by Tuesday, July 22, Midnight ET.

Technorati Tags: Christian Carnival, humor

America: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Posted June 29th, 2008 by Jen in family life, holidays, humor, politics/world news, the ranch
19 Comments »

This next weekend ushers in the birthday of the United States of America! Here are a few word pictures from this past week from me, in small town America, 232 years and still going. I’ve included the good, the bad, and the ugly, but as you’ll see, in America, we take the good with the bad and roll with it, and even the ugly – well, it’s a free country and we can call ugly if we want.

Yesterday morning, at a local parade, celebrating that old west pastime called Rodeo, I was thrilled to see my friends’ Clydesdales in all their hugeness. This was GOOD.

And where else but Prineville could I find the Amazing Trash Can Marching Band? They dispose of garbage in step and in style. These guys were GOOD!

On to the BAD…look at the interesting mound I discovered on our property a few days ago.

Kids, do NOT jump in the pretty pile, because…take a closer look:

Ooowwww. These are some aggressive ants, and I’ve been scrambling to find out what they are. Most notably, they have a red head and body and a shiny black behind. At first glance, they look and act just like the Allegheny Mound Ants. Build enormous piles. Have red head/thorax and black abdomen. But those mostly live in the upper Midwest to the New England states and south to Georgia.

So, another possibility is the Red Imported Fire Ant (RIFA). They also build mounds. Also have red forebody and black abdomen. But they live mostly in the southeast, however a few California counties have been infested, and there’s been suspected infestations in Oregon. I’m supposed to immediately contact the Oregon Department of Agriculture if I think I have these RIFAs, because they are considered an invasive species, and a serious health risk to pets and children, not to mention the damage that can be done to crops and other native plant life.

A final suspect, perhaps the most likely, is the harvester ant. This is a common desert ant, which fits my habitat. Another aggressive mound-building ant. Someone wrote a whole thesis on the harvester ant and how it’s helpful in locating small artifacts in archaeological surveys. I think I’ll start digging for Paiute relics in this very spot.

The only issue I’m trying to resolve with the harvester ants is whether it’s likely for them to have a red head/thorax and a black rear. This is the only photograph from the Oregon high desert (or anywhere) I can find that fits what I see here on my property; the rest are all red or all black. Anyone?

I can’t live with these creatures. It’s summertime and they are seriously swarming. They inflict especially painful stings and bites. Enter the brave husband. With the poison. We are not poison-happy people, but there are limits to my consciousness.

Don’t worry, my pretties, there’s enough here for everyone. Take this to your egg laying machine MOMMY!! But here’s a small problem. I went back to the mound yesterday, expecting it to be very quiet. But no. More activity and seemingly more ants than ever. I re-poisoned the area, and I’ll check again later.

Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer or ruler, she prepares her food in summer and gathers her sustenance in harvest. How long will you lie there, O sluggard? Proverbs.

Enough of the BAD! But, remember, this is the United States, and I actually own this land of the mother-of-all-anthills (and have many ant poison options), God bless America!

Would you like to see the UGLY from small town America?

America is soooo great, that even our “ugly” isn’t that bad. Okay, that is not true, there are truly horrific things going on in America, just as there are around the world. We all need Jesus! But, with our great nation’s birthday upon us, I’d rather find a bit of humor, a bit of appreciation for our free country.

Isn’t it great that a local fruit stand can sell delicious, sweet oranges, ugly and all? Great value, free from government imposed pricing, grown on fruitful land in a country where one can actually be a land-owner, we are so fortunate. If you really want ugly, you can read this supposed celebrate-America-Fourth-of-July-but-really-just-leftist-propaganda editorial, for which this newspaper should be ashamed.

How about these berries? I feel some baking coming on. One aisle over from the ugly oranges, and as beautiful as they come.

In closing, I hope you enjoy this lovely song, one of my very favorites, from that incredible musician, Rich Mullins. Here in America.

Some of my favorite lyrics from this song:

“…Once I went to Appalachia, for my father he was born there, and I saw the mountains waking with the innocence of children…and the Holy King of Israel loves me here, in America!”

Do you have anything (good, bad, or ugly) to share from your slice of America?

God Bless the U.S.A.

Technorati Tags: fruit stand, ants, July 4th Parade, Crooked River Roundup, Fourth of July, Clydesdales, Rich Mullins, Here in America

It’s all in the glasses.

Posted June 24th, 2008 by Jen in family life, humor, parenting
14 Comments »

“Your students would really like you, Mom.” My almost 9-year-old son was speaking in a serious voice, knowingly pointing to his head. I was a classroom teacher before I had all these kids, and I was talking to my young ones about teaching.

I smiled, completely warmed by his sweetness. “You know,” he continued, “they would think you are really intelligent.” More warming, and even little pitter-patters in my heart. What a kind-hearted, encouraging boy, he thinks Mom is smart!

“You really think so?” I say, hoping for more of these lovely compliments. Having been his teacher for the past few years, it’s good to know that he values my brilliance, my astute nature, my…

“Of course, Mom!” he states matter-of-factly. “It’s the glasses. They make you really smart.”

Oh. The glasses. That’s what he so knowingly pointed to, not my clever brain at all. Ahem. Adjusting my glasses here. So, would you like to know where I purchased my super-powered glasses? Because I’m sure you all want a pair now.

Tags: children, humor, motherhood, parenting, teaching

The Squeaky Wheel…gets locked in the bathroom.

Posted June 17th, 2008 by Jen in family life, humor
7 Comments »

I do need grease, however. I was kept up half the night by the continuous, high pitched, squeak of a wheel. A little mouse, running on his little wheel, squeaking his little squeak, invading my sweet little dreams. Not a metaphor, my dear reader, this was reality.

Big L saved up his money and bought a small, gray mouse yesterday, along with some mouse accessories, including a running wheel. Cute as a button and not much bigger, but goodness, he does run and squeak. I had no idea that an eight-week-old mouse had such stamina. I’m mouse-sitting right now while the kids are at Vacation Bible School. His name is Nampff, named so because his master likes the letters ‘N’ and ‘F.’

Note to self: buy some DW-40 today, so I don’t have to lock the mouse cage in the bathroom again to block out the everlasting squeaking of the wheel. I just need to get a decent night’s sleep.

Note to pet store owners: don’t sell squeaky wheels.

Tags: children's pets, mouse, mouse wheel, vacation bible school

Why do you love the blogging?

Posted May 23rd, 2008 by Jen in blog stuff, humor
21 Comments »

Aloha, it’s Friday!! I’ve been so very busy, excuse me if I haven’t been out a’visitin’ in my usual way. Everything has collided this time of year, from our building project to spring projects and work duties and beyond. I think most of us are in the same boat!

But, I still HEART the blogging, do YOU?! This is my Aloha Friday Question. Could you share one reason why you enjoy blogs?

Here’s a few reasons from this week why I think blogs are great:

Number 1:

The lovely, talented, kind, and generous Heather at An Untraditional Home painted this watercolor portrait of my children, which I was able to give my husband for his birthday on Monday of this week. Heather does commissioned work, and even though she lives in Pennsylvania and I live in Oregon, this was no problemo! I emailed her this photo:

And voila! My husband was incredibly pleased, and my 6 year old daughter was absolutely amazed: Mommy, how did you find a painting of children that look just like us?!

Heather’s art site is Elasah.com, and she just started offering art lessons online for your children (and you!). We’ll be giving this a try, so keep an eye out for really disproportionate drawings of the human body being posted here.

Number 2:

Reason No. 2 that I love the blogs is this delightful springtime package of goodies I received in the mail yesterday from that charming Tennessee gal Sarah at Small World. (In the interest of full disclosure, that chocolate box is already empty.) You know those fun contests that bloggers occasionally run? Well, I actually won something -Thanks, SmallWorld!

Why do you love blogging?

p.s. Here are some of the themes I’m seeing in your responses: community, encouragement, education, a forum for self-expression and self-exploration, entertainment, a place of connection with family…good stuff, good stuff.

Technorati Tags: aloha friday

Imaginary friend, anyone?

Posted May 16th, 2008 by Jen in family life, humor
15 Comments »

When we’re done checking out our books at the library, JoJo loves to read with “statue girl” who appears to be permanently attached to this child-sized bench in the foyer. I might catch a snatch of conversation, and JoJo sits real close and just enjoys the company of her bronzed friend.

My Aloha Friday question for this lovely May day is this:

Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? (If you have one now, I’d rather not hear about it!)

I faintly remember having imaginary conversations with little friends, but the friends were usually people I actually knew. Then again, I think I had some imaginary friendships with characters I loved from my favorite books. I distinctly remember my dear stuffed animals, who I set around my bed every night as I told them to be on watch while I slept. Have you seen the Jimmy Stewart movie Harvey (1950)? He plays Elwood P. Dowd, a lovable guy with an imaginary pal who happens to be a six-foot-three rabbit. Can you top that?

Technorati Tags: aloha friday, imaginary friend, childhood memories, children

Even My Dog Has a Blankie!

Posted May 2nd, 2008 by Jen in carnivals, family life, humor
20 Comments »

My Aloha Friday Question is this:

Did you have a childhood attachment, like a “security” blanket, a pacifier, a bottle, or a special bear you couldn’t part with?

From the loveable Linus eternally dragging his blanket to that maddening Maggie Simpson sucking on her pacifier with every breath, a child’s need for a comfort item seems to be universal. What sort of character were you? If you can’t remember or think you had no special comfort thing, what about your own children?

Me, I had a bottle. I actually have no memory of being attached to my bottle; I only know from old photographs showing in stark black and white my chubby little hands clutching what must have been my soothing object. Plus, my big sister says so.

Technorati Tags: aloha friday, baby bottle, blankie, childhood attachment, family life, Linus, pacifier, dog

The Intelligent Lizard

Posted April 28th, 2008 by Jen in humor, religion, science
12 Comments »

Hmmm, I say, what is this slick, button-y surface and colorful pixeled screen?

Oh, I see, if I grip the keys just so, and push….

Now, that was pretty simple, and it only took me about 4 billion years to figure out. Or not.

p.s., the lady of the house was really freaked out to see her little girl’s pet lizard taking over her laptop computer. My sincere apologies and lizardly regrets for causing such a commotion. Well, being so evolved and all, I enjoy the cinema as well as computers, so I’m off to the movies.

Technorati Tags: lizards, Creation Science, Intelligent Design, animal humor, Expelled the Movie, Ben Stein’s Expelled

The Diary of 1 search for a new BBF (Best Bloggy Friend)!

Posted April 25th, 2008 by Jen in blog stuff, humor
11 Comments »

Warning, gentle reader: This is a spoof. I am not as shallow as Paris Hilton. This is merely poking fun at a ridiculous publicity stunt by a disturbed celebrity.

Welcome to the Diary of 1 search for a new BBF (Best Bloggy Friend)!! This is a reality bloggity show where only the best will win. As Paris says,

I just want to see the contestants and see how they are. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, just as long as its someone I can trust, someone I can have fun with and just someone who’s going to be able to like handle all the other things that are going to come with being my best friend.

Wow, the word “just” three times in a mere two sentences. And the word “like” when it has nothing to do with being partial to something. Can I JUST say that one requirement for my BBF is a decent grasp of grammar. Go grab a Strunk & White if you need some help.

So, what else do I look for in a new best bloggy friend? Well, I’d have to agree with Paris, that since my blog is SOOOOOoooooo popular, I have to be careful. I can’t trust whether someone wants to be my blog friend or simply wants to get in on all my links and comments, so I turn to Paris for advice once again:

So when I meet new people, I’m always a little wary of the reason they may want to become my friend. I can usually just tell by when we’re out in public and there’s paparazzi around, I see, you know, who gets a little bit too excited or whatever.

And of course, Paris never gets too excited about the paparazzi. So watch your excitement level, please.

The next requirement for my BBF is that you divulge all your deepest secrets to me. Never mind that I’ve never met you in real life and probably never will, but I expect you to tell me your real name, the exact location of where you live, your personal email address and phone number, your user name and password so I can access your admin section and blog stats, the opportunity to guest blog on your own site, AND I want you to reveal every tip you know about increasing blog traffic. Once again, straight from the horse’s mouth, I find the elusive best friend advice:

Just people who are fun, people who I know are going to be great on TV, people who have fun personalities, they’re not shy, the people who tell their deepest secrets, people who are open to being honest and having a great time. That’s what my show’s about.

Oh, and knowing how Paris loves other beautiful people, I would also like my BBF to have the slickest looking blog format around. No overused templates, please. My BBF will have a high-end custom job with all the latest widgets and a stellar Technorati authority.

Now, on with the show!! I’ll be on the lookout for blog comments on every single post, personal emails, high participation in all my contests, lots of blog awards, gobs of links, thousands of clicks on my google ads, subscriptions to my RSS feed — just think, YOU could be the next Diary of 1 BBF!! Just being my best bloggy friend will make you instantly famous.

And of course, I would never assume that you’re a fortune hunter. I’m sure all the 6 million page views and the thousands of freaks folks who have posted profiles and videos at Paris’ new BFF site are from normal people just looking for a good friend, who care nothing about fame, because all of Paris’ other friends are just normal people.

You can post your BBF profile on your own blog, or in my comments below, and tell me why I should choose YOU. Let the auditions begin.

Tags: best blog friend, best friend contest, BFF, humor, Paris Hilton, spoof