Looking up the Exhaust Pipe

What does one do when her life feels like she’s looking right into the exhaust pipe, ingesting toxic fumes? When I took this cute picture of our cat a few days ago, these reflections were far from my mind. I just thought, “isn’t that a sweet little photograph - Tawny has his special spot under the van.”

The metaphor hit me later, as I struggled to wade my way through a myriad of chores, overwhelming undertakings, serious concerns. I wanted to curl up like my cat and lie down (but not under a tire!). I know without a doubt there are many brothers and sisters facing life in front of the exhaust pipe of toxic trials, because I’ve talked to several of them this past week - it’s a grim diagnosis, a financial predicament, family chaos.

As Christians, we can flounder about trying to find God in the midst of these stresses and strains and stretchings. We can sink into depression, question our faith, fail to see His bigger plan, and even ditch Him altogether.

BBC2 last month began airing God on Trial, a film written by Frank Cottrell Boyce. In it, a group of Auschwitz prisoners decide to put God on trial. They summoned a rabbinical court, put God himself on trial - and declared him guilty. (God on Trial will be shown in the United States on PBS stations on November 9, 2008, on the new anthology series Masterpiece Contemporary).

In The Guardian (UK), Cottrell Boyce wrote a very interesting article, and I particularly found this bit revealing:

It’s a fact that, although many people lost their faith in the camps, just as many had it renewed. As French philosopher La Rochefoucauld says: “A great storm puts out a little fire, but it feeds a strong one.” Reading the Bible in the light of the Holocaust was a bit of a storm for me. It came close to putting out my fire, but in the end it blew stronger.

I didn’t tell you the end of the story. After they find God guilty, one of the rabbis says: “So what do we do now?” The reply is: “Let us pray.” Is this a wry story about Jewish stoicism? Is it about a failure of moral courage? Or what? For me, it’s about faith.

When I was 21 years old, a fresh college graduate enjoying life and a new job in Washington, D.C., I felt compelled to memorize James Chapter 1. I worked on it each day as I walked from the Metro station in Silver Spring, Maryland, to my cousin’s house, where I was living for the year. The beginning of the chapter basically extols the benefits of tribulation, and though I had no outstanding troubles during this period of my life, it was God-ordained that I have this stored in my memory for the future.

I was especially good at verses 2-4, coming at the start of the chapter:

2Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,

3knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

4And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

By the time verse 27 came around, I was a bit fuzzy, but still, after 17 years, I basically have James Chapter 1 memorized. Good thing, because when I have those days when I feel like I’m under the van sucking exhaust or about to get run over by a tire, or when I want to put God on trial, it’s critical that I remember there is a purpose to our hardships. That purpose being a faith-producing experience, an endurance-strengthening exercise, and the goal of becoming more and more perfected in Christ Jesus.

I wonder, have you been looking up the exhaust pipe lately? What has helped you the most through these times?