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Love Means

Posted July 11th, 2008 by Jen in family life, religion

Have you ever thought about the silliness of the saying “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”? This line from the novel and 1970 film Love Story is baffling, and I pondered this as I contemplated my relationships today. As one who actually over apologizes, does this mean I don’t love?

Now, I understand the point of the quote to mean that….well, hmmm, I guess I have no clue what it could mean. Does it mean that if you’ve offended or wronged someone, the best thing to do is just let it pass and ignore it? Sounds like a recipe for disaster in a marriage or any other close relationship.

Does it mean that you don’t have to say you’re sorry because you’re so perfect and never offend the one you love? I haven’t seen the movie. Perhaps the quote of “never having to say you’re sorry” was meant to apply to the comatose, the dead, the unborn, the Holy Mother, or Christ himself! Those are the ones who never wrong others. The rest of us, well, I say open your mouth and start talking.

From a biblical perspective, we are commanded to repent from our sin, and we all sin, we all hurt others in some way, shape, or form, intentional or unintentional. The essence of a true, heartfelt statement of “I’m sorry” is repentance, hopefully leading to a change in the behavior at issue - a critical factor in our life of faith. “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?” followed by a return of “Yes, I forgive you” — this makes more sense.

Can I come up with my own version of this famous love quote?

Love means saying you’re sorry as often as you possibly can!

Well, as often as needed. This would be a good piece of advice to anyone approaching marriage or anyone who has a human relationship - um, all of us. Now go love on someone.
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12 Responses

  1. Beckynsc July 11th, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    I have always said, if you love someone, you don’t want to hurt them mentally or physically. So if you do, and you really love them, an apology should come easy!
    Why is it, that it is so easy to say hurtful things and so hard to apologize for them?

  2. Heather Young July 11th, 2008 at 4:35 pm

    Absolutely.

  3. Mandi July 11th, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    Yep - this is why I question whether to allow my kiddos to watch movies where love is so distorted by this worlds views, which is most everyone of them. Even some of my favorite movies with a G rating, Christian and secular alike, have had me cringing at the false way love is portrayed. I don’t want my children to go into marriage with a false perception of what it ’should’ be like. What a burden to bring into a marriage!

  4. e-Mom July 11th, 2008 at 10:45 pm

    Nice reflections, Jennifer. I do remember seeing “Love Story,” before I became a Christian. To me and my peers, this line made perfect sense. We got hooked into the idea of searching for a romatic partner who loved us so much (a godlike unconditional love) that our wrongdoing wasn’t supposed to matter, and no apology was necessary.

    After a heartbreak or two, I discovered that only the God of the Universe was capable of loving me unconditionally. And I was supposed to ask forgiveness of Him for my sin!

    Yes, the media is a powerful source of misinformation. I thank God for youth leaders and other ministries that preach the Truth to young people.

    Thanks for linking up to Marriage Monday. :~D

  5. Jen July 11th, 2008 at 11:50 pm

    Becky, I agree, with great love (and little pride), the apology should come easy.

    Heather, thanks for stopping by!

    Mandi, Good job on the movie screening; especially for young ones, this is so critical.

    e-Mom, thank you - your comment actually cleared up for me the meaning of that quote. Since you’ve seen the movie and lived through that era, you’re a great source! It sounds like the “never having to say you’re sorry” is supposedly because of the great, unconditional love of the offended one, who will never require a “sorry.” Did I get that right?

  6. Sandier Pastures July 12th, 2008 at 5:16 am

    I was actually believing that saying from the movie that it almost ruined my marriage! Thanks for this post, it makes so much sense. Just until last month, I was an unapologetic spouse (insert embarassment here) and thought that my hubby was into power play every time he mentions that I should apologize.

    Now I know better.Great post.

  7. SmallWorld July 12th, 2008 at 6:23 pm

    I love that movie, love the book, but I always thought that was the silliest line!

  8. Veggie Mom July 13th, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    I’ve also always heard that Making Up is Hard to Do. I don’t really understand that one, either. If you love someone, sometimes you might hurt them; but making up is that much easier, because you love them!

  9. e-Mom July 13th, 2008 at 10:54 pm

    Yup, perfect. You got it right! I agree, it’s a confusing line, but it sure was appealing to my generation of “flower children.” (Lol, sorry you missed out on the hippy era!) I’m so grateful God grabbed ahold of me through the Jesus Movement and it’s youth offshoots. :~D

  10. Jen July 16th, 2008 at 9:07 am

    Sandier Pastures, hey, I’m so glad to hear you’ve got this cleared up!! Seriously, a wrong interpretation on an issue like forgiveness can be completely destructive.

    SmallWorld, I should see the movie and judge the context for myself, huh? Glad you liked it.

    Veggie Mom, That’s another great example of a dumb love quote!!

    e-Mom, I agree with you on the youth ministries that have been/are an enormous blessing to our young people. I benefitted so much from those ministries myself. I do have issues with the way some youth ministry is carried out these days, but that’s another story!

  11. Tipper July 16th, 2008 at 9:10 am

    It is a strange saying to understand-I agree with Becky on the subject of those you love.

  12. Peggy July 18th, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    Bless you Jen! Amen…to all of your wisdom…though back when this movie came out I loved it! And in her setting, you must admit it was valid! Though it was a silly line…it stuck and here we are in 2008…remembering it! But YOURS is so much more TRUE!
    I liked Becky’s also #1 comment. If my marriage, on both sides had said I’m sorry and shown this sorrow,perhaps I would have lasted and remained together in spite of our conflicts and differences. Though I spoke these words frequently after MESSING up…I’m not sure I showed it because I did it again, messed up all over again…after all, He is not God(though he certainly acted and tried to be at times)but I do believe he loves me sometimes unconditionally but he does the best he can humanely. Just doesn’t want to change, very set in his ways…needs much prayer to accept Christ as his Savior…not that this would resolve our long separation…it is ALL he needs and has needed with or without me in his life! So LOVE means saying you’re sorry-only made me look like I was the only part of the problem. Pride be gone! I just want Jesus way to be shown to this man anyway HE can!

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