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Revisiting Father’s Day

Posted June 15th, 2008 by Jen in family life, parenting, religion

I was commenting today over at Tipper’s blog, Blind Pig & the Acorn, on her Father’s Day post, and I’m reposting my comment right here, because it’s a good follow up to my previous post. Tipper blogs about her Appalachian heritage, a favorite subject of mine (with my own Appalachian father from the hills of West Virginia), and I’m seeking to reclaim some of those roots. Tipper’s post asked for three random facts about your dad.

Tipper, … I wrote a short paragraph today about being “fatherless.” You know, I had a father, and when I was 12 or 13 years old, my parents separated, I moved to a different state with my mom, and I never lived with my dad again. I only saw him a handful of times after that before he died of lung cancer.

But the childhood I had with him until that age, it was difficult. He was an alcoholic and a distant, often angry father with many of his own troubles. However, I’m learning, the older I get, that it’s wise to still search for the good things, and even pray for God to reveal some sweet forgotten moments. There’s a lot of healing in setting your mind to this, so here are three things about my dad:

1. He was so very proud to be Appalachian.

2. He loved to plant things, and most of his energy went into his black walnut grove.

3. He was a carpenter by trade, and my memories are of him *always* wearing his white carpenter’s overalls, with hammer always hanging on his pants and nails in his pockets, ready to build.

p.s. Julie has a blog tag about an “a-ha!” moment you’ve had this week, so this will count as mine! Go check it out and see if you can come up with something, and if you’re reading this and would like to play along, consider yourself “tagged.” And if you also have some things to share about your dad, visit Tipper.

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8 Responses

  1. Jane June 15th, 2008 at 8:37 pm

    I was just about to write a post about this very thing- finding the good.

  2. Jen June 15th, 2008 at 11:51 pm

    Jane, I went and read your post on this - very nice. I started intentionally doing this - searching really hard for those good things - after I read Stormie O’Martian’s (”The Power of a Praying Wife” author) autobiography almost 6 years ago. In her book, she’s talking about her mother, who was horrible to her, very abusive. And Stormie is told by a wise counselor to pray and ask God to supernaturally reveal some pleasant memories of her mom, some good qualities, some good times.

    And miraculously, Stormie begins to recall memories that had been buried under so much junk and trauma, and is able to begin some healing. Ever since reading this book, I began to pray that way, and truly, God can do anything, even bring back forgotten memories! What FREEDOM and healing that comes with being able to hold on to some good things like that - and I think most importantly, you can begin the path of forgiveness.

  3. Jen June 15th, 2008 at 11:58 pm

    Jane, I meant to add that I think it’s ironic that most counselors who try to get their patients to recover suppressed memories are trying to uncover BAD memories. Personally, I see no gain in that, and the concept of recovering suppressed GOOD memories just makes sense to me, and I’ve experienced the joy and growth that can result from that path.

  4. Dina June 16th, 2008 at 3:01 am

    Shalom and thanks for visiting the camel in Jerusalem. Glad to be led back to your blog. I really understand what you’re saying about the fathers.
    In Israel everyone calls their dad Abba, so it is kind of strange for me to address God as Abba. It’s like, well, the name is already taken.
    I’ll be enjoying looking back in your posts.

  5. Renae June 16th, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    I have searched for the good in my dad, too. Last year I even complied a little scrapbook for him highlighting my favorite memories. He didn’t even mention it, but Mom said it really touched him. I’m convinced that unconditional love will go farther towards reaching his heart than heaping on more guilt.

  6. Jen June 16th, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    Dina, I hadn’t considered what it’s like to live in Israel and hearing “Abba” all the time! It’s so familiar, but I suppose that’s the point. Thank you so much for stopping by.

    Renae, Interesting, that’s about what Jane did! It’s funny how as we age, family relationships shift. Now the child is working on helping the parent. That act of creating the scrapbook was probably intended just as much for his healing as yours.

  7. Tipper June 17th, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    I am so glad you posted the comment-I felt it was better than my post! And thank you for pointing people in my direction. I’d be so glad if I did give you some insight into the land your Dad came from.

  8. Jen June 17th, 2008 at 7:57 pm

    Tipper, thank you, but my comment was not better than your post. And if perchance it was any good at all, it’s only because you brought up the subject. :-) Love your blogging, my friend.

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