The Diary of 1 search for a new BBF (Best Bloggy Friend)!

Warning, gentle reader: This is a spoof. I am not as shallow as Paris Hilton. This is merely poking fun at a ridiculous publicity stunt by a disturbed celebrity.

Welcome to the Diary of 1 search for a new BBF (Best Bloggy Friend)!! This is a reality bloggity show where only the best will win. As Paris says,

I just want to see the contestants and see how they are. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, just as long as its someone I can trust, someone I can have fun with and just someone who’s going to be able to like handle all the other things that are going to come with being my best friend.

Wow, the word “just” three times in a mere two sentences. And the word “like” when it has nothing to do with being partial to something. Can I JUST say that one requirement for my BBF is a decent grasp of grammar. Go grab a Strunk & White if you need some help.

So, what else do I look for in a new best bloggy friend? Well, I’d have to agree with Paris, that since my blog is SOOOOOoooooo popular, I have to be careful. I can’t trust whether someone wants to be my blog friend or simply wants to get in on all my links and comments, so I turn to Paris for advice once again:

So when I meet new people, I’m always a little wary of the reason they may want to become my friend. I can usually just tell by when we’re out in public and there’s paparazzi around, I see, you know, who gets a little bit too excited or whatever.

And of course, Paris never gets too excited about the paparazzi. So watch your excitement level, please.

The next requirement for my BBF is that you divulge all your deepest secrets to me. Never mind that I’ve never met you in real life and probably never will, but I expect you to tell me your real name, the exact location of where you live, your personal email address and phone number, your user name and password so I can access your admin section and blog stats, the opportunity to guest blog on your own site, AND I want you to reveal every tip you know about increasing blog traffic. Once again, straight from the horse’s mouth, I find the elusive best friend advice:

Just people who are fun, people who I know are going to be great on TV, people who have fun personalities, they’re not shy, the people who tell their deepest secrets, people who are open to being honest and having a great time. That’s what my show’s about.

Oh, and knowing how Paris loves other beautiful people, I would also like my BBF to have the slickest looking blog format around. No overused templates, please. My BBF will have a high-end custom job with all the latest widgets and a stellar Technorati authority.

Now, on with the show!! I’ll be on the lookout for blog comments on every single post, personal emails, high participation in all my contests, lots of blog awards, gobs of links, thousands of clicks on my google ads, subscriptions to my RSS feed — just think, YOU could be the next Diary of 1 BBF!! Just being my best bloggy friend will make you instantly famous.

And of course, I would never assume that you’re a fortune hunter. I’m sure all the 6 million page views and the thousands of freaks folks who have posted profiles and videos at Paris’ new BFF site are from normal people just looking for a good friend, who care nothing about fame, because all of Paris’ other friends are just normal people.

You can post your BBF profile on your own blog, or in my comments below, and tell me why I should choose YOU. Let the auditions begin.

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11 Responses to The Diary of 1 search for a new BBF (Best Bloggy Friend)!

  1. Oh. My. Goodness!!!!!Oh. My. Goodness!!!!!Oh. My. Goodness!!!!!

    You know, I guess if you never have an opportunity to experience REAL friendship this may be the way to go? Or not.

  2. Jane says:

    Oh, I am so, like, honored to have this chance to like grovel for a chance to be your bestest forever friend. I am like, SO into fun and good times!!! I will would never just be into using you for my own publicity or popularity. Oh my goodness, I like you so much, you are so cool, I am just freaking out that I can be a part of this contest!!!! Right now, I just, like, don’t have very many friends ’cause I spend so much time blogging and watching reality tv shows that I just don’t socialize with anyone around me. I also don’t really have a job, but that is like, because everyone is just, like, so lame, and wanted me to work, or something crazy like that , you know?! I totally hope that you will pick me, because I just really like being picked for stuff, and I would be a totally awesome friend for you- i am not quite sure how, but I just know I would be totally awesome!!!

  3. Jen says:

    Heather, you’d think celebrities would know by now that this is not the way to find real, lasting friendships. Crazy stuff!

    Jane, that was, like, the best profile ever! I can already tell I can totally trust you! With eleven exclamation points in one paragraph, you OBVIOUSLY know how to have fun!!

  4. Renae says:

    Oh, you are funny! I don’t qualify. Boo Hoo!!!

  5. Linnet says:

    I’d just like like to apply too. I’m like the most popular woman in the whole of blogdom. I don’t like get many comments ‘cos like I think people are just so shy of my fantastic personality and good looks. So as you can see I just want to be your friend because you have like the most fantastic personality just like me.

  6. Jen says:

    Renae, sadly, you don’t qualify. You are much too level-headed and non-attention seeking and truly nice.

    Linnet, oh good, someone JUST LIKE ME, that’s the main rule anyway, isn’t it??

    Tipper, heehee. Having fun. :-)

  7. e-Mom says:

    Lol, I’m about to disqualify myself from your BBF list. I won’t be able to contribute to Monday’s Carnival, Jen. We have to go to Canada tomorrow. Sorry, no time for writing.

    Hey, I hope you get LOTS and LOTS of google hits with this post… :~D

  8. Jen says:

    e-Mom, have a FABULOUS time in Canada, I hope this is a pleasure trip. No worries about the carnival, there are always oodles of posts, of course none as good as the one YOU would have submitted. A true BBF understands these sorts of things. :-)

  9. Grace says:

    This is hilarious. Oh, I would join the audition! coz you know, and everyone knows *cough* that I am great on TV. I mean, I star in a reality TV show and have shoots everyday, in Dubai! And girlfriend, I am really good at it because there is no one to shout CUT and all scenes have to be in one take only.

    (In a threatening voice)
    So, we’re friends now, huh? Huh?

  10. Renae says:

    So I guess the humility thing didn’t work. Bummer.

    I do comment, link, and subscribe. Doesn’t that count for anything? Maybe I’ll get offended and start my own BBF post. ;)

    Looking forward to the carnival!

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