Disturbing images to stop the whining?

Posted January 22nd, 2008 by Jen in family life, parenting, religion

Am I just a twisted mother to do such a thing? My son had been whiiinnnning all morning about doing his math. With no apologies, I told him he simply must learn how to do subtraction with renaming. It’s an arithmetic skill that’s a necessity in life. He continued with the mournful complaints mixed in with tears. I talked to him about being thankful - what we all resort to at some point, right? Look, we have a warm house, clothes to wear, food to eat, a wonderful family….and the privilege of learning math. So suck it up. My rational words didn’t even make a dent in the laments.

So, I took my strategy to the next level. I did a Google search for “pictures of starving children.” Oh, yes I did. I made him look. First, he just cried all the harder at the disturbing images. You do the search and see what comes up. But at least these tears were justified. Children in Sudan, naked, bones protruding, crawling in the sand to find bugs to eat. “Mom, I’m going to have nightmares!” I panicked. Had I gone too far? However, he grew quiet, the tears subsided, and he soon carried on with the borrowing and subtracting.

I certainly don’t want to make light of the situation in Africa and elsewhere, and just because I used it to my advantage to shock my boy into being thankful, I hope that doesn’t make me a shameless and unscrupulous mother. Does it?

I would be shameless and unscrupulous if I brought out pictures of starving children every time my kid whined, and only when my kid whined. But if the approach is to bring world calamities and injustices to the forefront of our comfortable lives on a regular basis, regardless of the children’s current temperament, and for the purpose of compassion and consciousness, then I really think it’s okay. And if you need a boost in the math department every once in a while…

7 Responses

  1. On Living By Learning January 22nd, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    Sometimes, craftiness & deviousness are essential parenting skills!

    Now, if you can only inspire him to like math, then you might be able to stop the whining forever. That’s my current, hopefully attainable, goal with my son.

  2. planningqueen January 22nd, 2008 at 9:05 pm

    I agree that on a rare occasion you need to pull something out the hat. I know that we live a comfortable lifestyle and sometimes worry that my children don’t quite understand how hard life is for others. I like to give them insights into this where appropriate, so that they can get some perspective on life.
    PS. Thanks for hosting the Carnival of Family Life, it was a great read.

  3. Jen January 23rd, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    On Living By Learning, I know, I need to work on getting him to LIKE MATH! Probably won’t be with starving children - I need to work on making math fun and relevant.

    PlanningQueen, “rare occasion” is true indeed. This is not a focus on our daily life, but definitely my kids are aware of the less fortunate, and we think of ways to address this.

  4. Chasing the Wind » Christian Carnival 208 January 23rd, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    […] Jennifer in OR presents Disturbing images to stop the whining? posted at Diary of 1. […]

  5. Carnival of Christian Women–February 1, 2008 | Dandelions and Daydreams February 1st, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    […] Extreme parenting often requires taking drastic measures. Jennifer in OR used Disturbing images to stop the whining and teach her son about his rich life. […]

  6. e-Mom February 2nd, 2008 at 1:20 am

    A brilliant move! I remember my Mom did something similar with us when we were children. Those images really stuck with me… and DID make me grateful for all the good things in my life. We eventually ended up writing letters to a foster child in Africa. Maybe that could be your next strategy?

    Blessings, e-Mom

  7. Keri Wyatt Kent February 2nd, 2008 at 11:14 am

    As your kids get older, take it a step further. Rather than just photos, take them to serve a meal in a city soup kitchen–not just once but on a regular basis. My kids are surrounded by privilege, and think it is “normal”–serving a meal and talking to women at the homeless shelter reminds them, without my having to say a word, of how blessed they are. And that poor people are just that–people.

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