Too Many Choices?

Posted October 1st, 2007 by Jen in family life, parenting

Can too many choices paralyze the modern parent? And her children? Decide for yourself - here’s an interesting article at The Parenting Post.

Author Barry Schwartz, in his book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less, addresses this question as well. Publisher’s Weekly makes this comment about Schwartz’s book:

We normally assume in America that more options (”easy fit” or “relaxed fit”?) will make us happier, but Schwartz shows the opposite is true, arguing that having all these choices actually goes so far as to erode our psychological well-being.

Hmmm. Now, as a parent, I have to deal with the million-and-one choices somehow, because they aren’t really going away. The choices are in my face. Do I want regular or fat-free? Do I want organic, natural, or conventional? Do I want public or private? Do I use the Charlotte Mason, Classical, Principled, or Waldorf method of homeschooling? Granite, silestone, travertine, or ceramic tile? Music class, ballet, gymnastics, or soccer (or all four)? Here’s what Schwartz would advise:

If parents can develop the attitude that good enough really is good enough most of the time, it will help them to be much better than good enough at what matters most — being engaged, energetic, attentive and loving in their interactions with their children. It will also enable them to model for their kids a healthy approach to navigating the sea of choices that they will soon be responsible for making for themselves.

For my children, I can help them by limiting the choices I offer. (”Kids, you can choose from these three books for Mommy to read to you tonight,” instead of, “Pick out a book from that shelf of 100 books.”) I shouldn’t put the pressure on them to have to navigate the nerve-wracking array of choices unfettered. It’s incredibly stressful. My kids very often ask me to choose something for them, or to narrow the choices I give, when they are sensing a difficulty or confusion. Allow your kids the option of not having to choose, sometimes. This is not robbing them of any independence, it’s simply allowing them to remain psychologically healthy!

The tension between making choices on our kids’ behalf and empowering them to do their own choosing is fundamental to parenting. However, living in a choice-centered culture makes that tension far more pervasive. By all apparent measures, the culture of choice is here to stay. In order to help kids reap its benefits, parents must also be aware of its costs.

Just like we choose our battles with our children, we can choose when to choose. Not every situation which arises during the day should require a multitude of choices. As a parent, learn to quickly whittle down the options to just a few, and your children will be learning healthy decision making as they observe you.

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Some carnivals to visit - only three to choose from :-)

The Carnival of Family Life
The Christian Carnival
The Carnival of Homeschooling

9 Responses

  1. Anonymous October 1st, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    Too Many Choices?

    Does having too many choices affect our well-being? Maybe good enough should be good enough most of the time.

  2. Renae October 1st, 2007 at 1:40 pm

    I think we have a tendency to either become obsessive or apathetic in this culture of abundance. This is a good reminder that good enough really can be good enough.

  3. mrs darling October 1st, 2007 at 7:56 pm

    When I was a kid there were no choices. Mom or dad said do it and you did it! Life was easier that way.

  4. Jane October 1st, 2007 at 10:03 pm

    Good advice here. I like the balanced approach.

  5. Dana October 1st, 2007 at 10:27 pm

    This is good to remember. We have a small crate of books the children choose from for stories and that rotates regularly. They are so excited when the new books come out!

    When I became a parent, I wanted to do everything “right.” I read a bunch of books and quickly realized that you can find an expert saying just about anything. At first this stressed me. Then it sort of freed me. All the contradictions forced me to follow what I thought was best for my children. And a parent’s love can be pretty powerful, if you do not let yourself get apathetic and just choose what is easiest.

  6. Jen October 2nd, 2007 at 8:27 am

    Renae and Dana - both of you make good points that I wouldn’t want to miss. There is a danger at the other extreme of becoming apathetic. I’m not in any way advocating what is called “Good Enough Parenting,” and there are actually plenty of parenting books out there on the subject - that can lead down a dangerous path of always taking the easy way out. There is a certain amount of difficult choice that needs to be happening in your daily life, and I’d hate for anyone to come away from this little article thinking they’re scot-free. :-)

    Mrs. Darling, The Good Ol’ Days! There’s something to be said for that.

    Jane, I was hoping for balance!

  7. Andrea October 2nd, 2007 at 3:07 pm

    This reminds me of when my kids were little and I wanted them to do something. I would give them two choices… one would be the one they did not want to do… the other would be far less desireable. But they always had a choice.

  8. e-Mom October 3rd, 2007 at 5:50 pm

    Limiting our childrens’ choices keeps Mom in the driver’s seat where she should be, but allows some freedom of thought on our childrens’ part. I like your idea of limiting your kids’ choice to one of three books, rather than one of 100. Go Mom!

  9. Jen October 4th, 2007 at 8:38 am

    Andrea, great strategy! I often do that as well, and the kids still feel like they are making an independent choice.

    e-Mom, thanks for the comment. Don’t want too many backseat drivers, ya know!

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