Vacation Bible School Shut Out

Posted June 25th, 2007 by Jen in education, family life, religion

My kids enjoyed a week of Vacation Bible School last week, but not me. Don’t get me wrong, I was thankful that the hosting church put on such a fun-filled adventure for the children, and the kids all benefitted greatly. But here’s the other side of the coin: parents are not welcome.

The same problem the larger society has in regard to family exists in the church as well. Our American culture, indeed many other modern cultures, has seen parents relinquish their parental obligations, and quickly we’ve observed public schools and other public institutions take on the surrogate parent role along with the attitude of “leave the schooling to the experts.”

At the bottom of this phenomenon is a disregard for the family unit. One of the reasons I homeschool my children is in an effort to preserve my family, because there does not currently exist a widespread school model that does so. Segregating children by age, locking parents out of curriculum decisions, endowing teachers with greater authority in the system than parents – these practices all serve to undermine the family integrity.

I’m used to this in the public sector. So, when I arrived at Vacation Bible School and wanted to walk my kids in myself, meet their crew leaders, and follow the children to their stations so I could get a handle on the physical layout of the place, I was met at every turn with: “Are you lost?” “Can I help you find something?” “Is there something you need?” No, I just have a four year old child that I refuse to drop at the door with strangers.

Mind you, I had never been to this particular church before, so as a responsible parent, it seemed like a no-brainer to want some information and get a feel for the place. The staff was excellent and I ended up having no issues with the place, BUT. I stuck out in the crowd like you wouldn’t believe. Out of almost 200 kids at this event, I was the ONLY parent to be lurking around, and I know that half the kids had not been to this church before, either.

Does this mean that all those other parents are bad, bad people? Does this mean the church people are inconsiderate? No. It means our modern culture has succeeded in enculturating the citizens with a very wrong view of family, responsibility, and society. Our institutions have taken over the familial role. No longer do parents rule – and yes, they should. Now, instead of society and culture fitting into its proper place within the family, the family is required to fit into a proper place within the culture, and it’s a subordinate place.

I have a huge problem with this, folks, and I wish more people did. Yes, I know, it would have created a log-jam at Vacation Bible School if every parent were like me, wanting to be a little more involved and present. So, you change the paradigm. Maybe you have a parent/child session on day one. Maybe you make parents fill out a criminal history check and offer them the opportunity to be present (sad, but this is what it would take). Maybe you limit the number of children who can attend so there is more room for whole families. Or maybe you just put on your own family-friendly Vacation Bible School.

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9 Responses

  1. Mimi Rothschild June 25th, 2007 at 11:09 am

    Thanks for sharing. Interesting post. It has me thinking.

  2. heidi June 25th, 2007 at 11:45 am

    I have found that to be the norm, but the church we used to attend has a marvelous and very family friendly environment. About 1/2 of the adults helping are parents of the children involved, another 15 people that simply loiter about the premises are parents waiting on their children. Then at the end the non-stop chatter is from parents while their children run about on the yard.

    This is atypical, I know, but it accurately reflects the attitude at this particular church (and it’ s not my home fellowship, so this isn’t a mindless plug) toward family and children.

  3. Dana June 25th, 2007 at 10:45 pm

    We just finished a week of VBS. It was at our church, and I saw to it that my four year old made it directly into the hands of the person responsible for his age group. That was entirely welcome in our church.

    My difficulty was at the other end, really. I would have loved to help out with VBS again this year. I think it would have been interesting to do this as a family…but what to do with the baby. All four of my children in a separate room, one of whom is nursing, and mom in yet another place teaching? I’m not creative enough to come up with a good alternative, but it seemed a little off.

    Have you heard of the five day clubs? I haven’t been involved directly, but they sound interesting. I think it involves getting some families together in the neighborhood to do a five day things sort of like VBS, but on a smaller scale, and kids from the neighborhood come. That seems more conducive to building families and communities.

    But I don’t know. I’ve only heard of them, never been involved.

  4. Grace June 25th, 2007 at 11:12 pm

    I wish there’s something like a bible school or even a small church here. My daughter needs to be “educated” of her Christian roots and having lived in Japan, we did not have that chance and now, in an Islamic country that is Dubai…

  5. Crimson Wife June 26th, 2007 at 12:34 am

    Denise Hunnell wrote an interesting article about a month ago for CatholicDaily.org called “Outsourcing Religious Education” where she expressed similar thoughts from a Catholic point of view. She advocates replacing traditional Sunday School with a program that supports family Faith formation. Denise suggests churches offer a family RE program, where parents and children would come together with other families once per month. They would study lessons based on that month’s theme and then take those lessons home to incorporate into family life.

    I think it’s an excellent idea for churches of any denomination!

  6. Jen June 26th, 2007 at 8:48 am

    Heid, Dana, good to know there are some welcoming VBSs that you’ve come across. The five day club sounds really interesting – I’ll look into that. You two probably know that this issue runs a lot deeper for me than VBS – this just happened to set me off this week.

    Grace, okay, I sure feel as big as an ant for complaining about the particulars of VBS here when you can’t even locate a small church in Dubai!! Fellowship with other believers is so important to a life of faith and I really hope you find that. For right now for your daughter, you and your husband can (and this is the best) give her a Christian education in your own home, just through simple things like teaching her Bible stories, praying with her, talking about God as you go about your day.

    Crimson Wife, thanks!! I’ll be reading that article – I love the idea of Family Faith Formation. THAT is what my problem is with Sunday School, VBS, or any other Christian educational format – the discongruence between church and home, parent and child… Parents end up feeling like the VBS or Sunday School is doing the job, so they often don’t follow through, and the child ends up feeling like spiritual matters are in a separate compartment from the rest of life.

  7. Jane June 26th, 2007 at 1:33 pm

    I love being at our VBS, and one of the main reasons why is that moms, dads, grammas, grampas, plus non related congregation members from every age group will be there helping and leading the program. I love being in that atmosphere. Parents are welcome to stay, especially for the little ones as they can be a bit overwhelmed sometimes. I am glad that despite your feelings on that issue, that the program was successful.

  8. SmallWorld July 1st, 2007 at 11:51 am

    Boy, do I ever share your sentiments. When I began attending our church 7 years ago, I was the 2-headed freak who wouldn’t leave her baby in the nursery, didn’t bring her toddler to Sunday School (or the nursery), and stayed with her 6-year-old during VBS–and wouldn’t send him away to church camp. Oh yeah! AND I homeschooled! But I weathered it. For years. I was not a parent like the other parents then, but in the ensuing years–our church has become more and more family focused. Our VBS actually includes an adult class and teens are asked to volunteer. Parents of any kids are welcome to stay, attend class themselves or walk around with their kids. I have high hopes yet for a family minister to replace the traditional youth minister.

    And yes, you are right. We live in a drop-and-go society. What parent in her right mind would stay with her kids rather than enjoy 3 hours of shopping at Target?

  9. Angela July 2nd, 2007 at 7:19 pm

    What a great post! I have never thought of what you said in quite that light and I have spent a lot of my time in churches. Having a spouse who was employed as a youth minister we strive to make our ministry more “family orientated” but by the time kids are teens most families have acclimated to the idea of just dropping your kid off.

    On the VBS note, I tried to take my daughter this year and want to meet the people etc. She is so used to going everywhere in church with me or dad and being a little shy of new things and new people, she refused to stay. But I was also the only mom in her assigned group who was there with their four year old sitting and checking it out. When she skipped out the door after crying, I realized it wasn’t happening? So much for that trip to Target. Actually it turned into a good week.

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